Tuesday, March 11, 2014
New Reality Television Show: THE WRITER
Yeah, it starts out with The Writer getting up at around 3 am because she has a story idea and can't get it out of her head. Sleep is overrated. Somewhere around 11 am, she remembers that she hasn't had breakfast, even though it's approaching noon and lunchtime. She's had two pots of coffee already, though. There's some healthiness in caffeine, right? Something about antioxidants? Mixed with chocolate, it's downright cancer-fighting. The Writer puts a post-it note on her laptop to buy more dark chocolate with sea salt.
Cameras pain to the luxurious writing space. Don't mind all the books and paper and post-it notes and the green lava lamp. Camera pans back to The Writer who finds another gray hair in her head along with a new wrinkle between her eyebrows. Dammit.
Wait. It's noon. The Writer should probably shower and comb her hair (and pluck out that gray hair)--but--wait a minute. It's 3 pm already. Where did the time go? And--oh, no--has she changed out of her yoga pants and hiking t-shirt from the day before?! Yuck. No time for that. Must get edits done and start a couple of new chapters in the new manuscript.
Wait. There's book promotion and online chatting with writerly friends. And email. Lots and lots of email. The Writer logs onto Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr. The damn dinner can wait. In fact, is there anything in the frig for dinner? Oh, well. The Writer finds that cute pizza delivery guy's number. Pizza makes for great leftovers--when The Writer remembers they're in the frig. Hopefully there's still a bottle of wine left. Or two.
Somewhere in all of that, The Writer says hello to her husband and remembers that the house does need vacuuming and dusting every once in a while. But cleaning can wait too. Just need to jot down another idea. Another page. Another chapter.
Cue the first commercial.
The ratings will be phenomenal for this glamorous and riveting reality show, n'est-ce pas? Anything would be better than that atrocious THE BACHELOR reality show and don't get me started on that final episode with Juan Pablo...